Love Inspires All...

Let me count the times I have started this post over. I have doubted myself, my words, my story. SO MANY TIMES...

As my brand and heart has shifted, so will many other things... But for the greater good.
I have come to the understanding that I may lose some readers for this but I am completely okay with that. I know where my heart lies, and no one else knows my heart better than me and God. So here's to wearing my heart totally on my sleeve, here's to no regrets, here's to you sweet Anthony...

Today, reminds me of one of the hardest, saddest, unfathomable days of my life. It is the day you decided you could bear no more pain, the day you died, the day you took your own life 14 years ago...

Yes, Oct. 9th the day I dread every year, EVERY October. It seems as soon as October hits, and the leaves all of a sudden start to change, my mind starts to wander in a thousand different directions, EVERY YEAR. I think about the could haves, should of been's, the possibilities of life if you were still here and the sorrow and pain my heart is left to bear.

Hard to believe it's been that long when it still feels like yesterday, it still feels raw. The piece of my heart that just seems to stay open. The day time felt like it stood still, the day that forever changed my heart, the day my life shattered into a million pieces. Some days the load seems bare and other days it seems so heavy. OH SO HEAVY...

I cling unto the moments when we were kids, when we would wonder aimlessly through grandpa and grandmas property. I remember hearing you in the distance pretending to be a superhero, while I sat under a fallen tree, pressing wildflowers into my spiral bound sketchbook.

Or the hundreds of times we would get asked if we were twins. I desperately hated resembling you back then, oh what I would do to just get a glimpse of you again. Those were the moments that it was just you and me. Those were the moments I so dearly miss...

Perhaps it's because your life was but a glimpse. A mere 17 years we had with you, not long enough if I say so. Before I knew it I blinked and your were gone. I have nothing more of you than those memories that cling to every fiber of my being. The moments that seem to keep me alive every October. The times when we were so young and free, careless and crazy, the moments I SO deeply miss...

Looking back at the years after we buried you I was so lost. If I had to be honest with myself, I was so disappointed. So many years I failed to share your story more often, so many times I failed to share God's grace and love with others, because I was afraid. I was afraid of what others would think, and how they would react. I was ashamed. I was broken...

In all of these years since your death, I have been changed. Not too many years ago, I started to realize in the darkest days, after the storm that I could find beauty in all of my pain. God showed me hope, He answered my prayers and HE BEGAN TO SET ME FREE. It seems when the rain stops, and the thunder is a distant memory, you look around and see what you couldn’t before.

I can tell you that a fire in me started to burn again. I prayed that God would show me a way to share the love I have for you, with others, but in a very specific way that I would love doing. From there my creative fibers began to thrive again. I started to do the things I loved again, I started to find my way, wholeheartedly.

Yes, it took time, but I can truly say I am right where I should be. Right here, right now and I am perfectly okay with that. I have been SET FREE. While yes, I still mourn you desperately sweet brother, but I have come to a understanding that we will be together again someday.

I believe that God has given me the vision for Love Greyson Events and the ability to capture those sacred moments in life that are so worth celebrating, together. No matter how big or how small, LOVE is truly in all the details. My hope is for other's to experience the love I have for what I do. For others to experience God's greatest commandment LOVE. To see Him shine in me.

While I may have endured some long and tiring roads, I believe it has shaped me into everything I am today. While I continue to navigate the waters I hope to do it in memory of my brother. To live vicariously through my events, instilling my heart in every detail, listening to others stories and fighting for the things that truly matter. The things that truly inspire.

Thank you God for allowing me to be vulnerable, for giving me the opportunity to change lives all while allowing me the freedom to DO WHAT I LOVE. Forever I am grateful. For you I find refuge in.

For this season, I am grateful. Anthony, thank you for teaching me all you have, while continuing to show me things about myself, and helping me find my way. Thank you for continuously inspiring me to share your story and for all the memories you have given me.

To all my supporters thank you for believing in me, loving on me and pushing me to be better. I hope you continue this ride with me, I really love having you... Forever I am grateful.

Thank you for letting me share my heart, my story. If you feel inspired I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to email me greysondesign@gmail.com.

With Love,
Valerie

All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I've been set free
I've been set free

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

Oh I can see it now
Oh I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

You take our failure
You take our weakness
You set Your treasure
In jars of clay
So take this heart, Lord
I'll be Your vessel
The world to see
Your love in me

{Hillsong}